i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
