Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
