I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
