matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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