She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
