dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
