I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
