I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk is not a location!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
