i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
