I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
