I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
