I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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