no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
