the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
