Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
