Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
