So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She made me pour olive oil on her.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
