dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
