covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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