I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
