I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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