I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
