his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
