you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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