hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
