I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
