I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
