Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
