If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
