I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
