you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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