You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
