I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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