I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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