Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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