My brain says no but my pants say off.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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