i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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