Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
