Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
