Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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