i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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