my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
