Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
