sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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