At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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