My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
