That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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