he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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