just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
