I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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