I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
