Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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