Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
