My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
