I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
