He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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