wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
