suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
